Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Another Edition Of Why I'm An Idiot

This morning, I decided to forgo the gym and run outside. When it is cold out, I usually just run on the treadmill, but I recently purchased an entire Under Armour Cold Gear outfit, and I was ready to try it out.

So, I squeezed and stuffed myself into my all black running gear. By the time I was through, I resembled Catwoman. Without any makeup, hair in a scruffy ponytail, and wearing white socks and tennis shoes, that is. Hey, look at me. I kinda look like a real runner. Just like the ones in the ads for Under Armour gear, I thought.

I began running. It was 25 freakin' degrees. That's 25 degrees LESS than I would have preferred. But, I was sure I would warm up. After all, I had Under Armour cold gear on. It would protect me from the elements. Right?

Once I establish my rhythm, I like to pray. I talk to God about the things that are going on in my life, what I would like to happen, and I try to listen. Today was no different, except my prayer went something like this:

"Oh God, Please stop the wind. Can't you let the sun shine a little brighter and warm this place up? Even if it's only for the next 45 minutes, I'm cool with that. Please."

Since that wasn't working, and I was really cold, I began making promises and talking to myself.

"If you finish 3 miles in under 30 minutes, you can have Taco Bell for lunch. Nachos BellGrande sounds good, doesn't it? Go faster. It'll be over soon."

And then, around mile 2- completely shaded, and really cold, by the way- I began wishing for Under Armour gloves, Under Armour socks, Under. . . under. . . OH. SCHNAPP.

Was I supposed to be wearing this under something? Something like a sweatsuit? To help keep me warm? But, what about those ads? They aren't wearing anything over their outfits. Of course, they aren't, you big dummy. How could they advertise it, if it was covered up? Great. I'm an idiot.

I finished my run, trying my best not to look like the biggest Jello Jiggler in history and not making eye contact with any of the other properly attired runners.

I had my Nachos BellGrande and a Taco Supreme for lunch. I thought I deserved it.

I probably didn't deserve the pizza I had for dinner. I'm taking comfort in the fact that now, I know I can wear something over my catsuit.

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21 comments:

Chris said...

Don't you remember the last time you said God was on your side? Shall I say "Phase 10?" I didn't think so... Oh, and you did deserve both the Taco Bell and Pizza, and maybe even Starbucks in the morning.

Kellan said...

You're so cute - jello jiggler - ACK! I don't run anywhere, so good for you and in 25 degrees - I'd be praying too! Take care and see you soon. Kellan

kimmie said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha whoooo ha ha ha ha snicker, snicker, ha ha ha ha ...

You are so dedicated...God was just trying to show you that you have to do your part too, like put some clothes on!!

ha ha ha ha

Irene said...

So funny! But honestly, I would probably do the same thing! Luckily, where I run, I don't see any other runners. Actually, I don't see any other people at all where I run, which is nice.

I actually LOVE running in the cold! (Wearing the RIGHT clothes) I am usually cold only for a very short time. Soon after, I warm up nicely and love feeling the fresh air. Plus it is a nice feeling when most people are holed up in the house and you are the only one out and about. It is such a great feeling of accomplishment!!

suchsimplepleasures said...

sit down, we have to talk...under armour...it's called under armour for a reason...
but, i bet it looked good!! i mean, when it comes down to it, it's really about how you look, while running!!
xo

jenipooh92802 said...

Oh my gosh...I haven't ran in years and years....but I would have known that, the word "under" didn't mean anything to you?!? Can you imagine (you really don't have to, it would probably make you sick) me wearing that without a sweat suit over it...talk about jello jiggler..ha ha! Love ya

BookMomma said...

OMG that made me laugh so hard!! It sounds just like something I would do!

Sarah O. said...

I've often looked at what runners are wearing and have wondered if they're too hot or cold. I look at the runners' faces for a hint but all I see is the classic runners' spaced out yet determined expression.

Now I know what they're thinking. Another one of life's mysteries solved!

April said...

That's too funny! Where were you last night?

Rachel said...

Oh my gosh. Absolutely hysterical.

Phase 10, did Chris say Phase 10? I just played that for the first time. So fun!
Okay, BOT.

Still adore you! Thanks for the giggles.

manda said...

hahahahahaha! this cracked me up. I probably would've done the same thing.

Amy said...

Oh my gosh! How funny! And way to go, you running. I don't even run to the bus stop, and it's two houses down. I like my elliptical, it's much easier to read my trash magazines on!

Amy said...

That is TOO funny!
I can't believe you ran in such frigid temperatures! I get the worst earache when I run and the temperature is below 60 degrees.

Nap Warden said...

Oh Chicky, you gotta pile on the gear when it's that cold out. The trick is in the layers. Good for you for gettin' out there!

Kellan said...

Hey - thanks for the support and you know I am glad to call you my friend! I will see you tomorrow. Kellan

suchsimplepleasures said...

so, if i haven't told you yet...you're a genius...i'm telling you now!! i can be a wedding spoiler, for a living!! and, here i've been wracking my brain, trying to come up with ways to contribute to the household income...and it's been right there, in front of me!!!
xo

Susan said...

This is the first time I have ever visited your site and this post was hysterical.

I hate running and everytime I do I talkto myself about how stupid I am and why am I doing this.

But next time I am going to talk to myself about Taco Bell. That is better than calling myself names.
Susan

Missy said...

I'm sorry......OMG I think I just peed my pants. Too Hilarious.

Caution said...

I am thinking I can use this story as an excuse somehow for not exercising at all!

brandiandboys said...

that's hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! i totally don't think about stuff like that until...well it's too late! :)

Gina said...

oh yeah...that is too funny! Please know that I would do something like that too, don't feel bad.
Gina from PA...(my first time here)

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