The Princess Bride

There is a man at my gym that looks just like Santa. Long, white beard. Big belly. Always wears red or green sweat pants. Drives a green Element, with a stocking hanging on the mirror.

He plays Santa year round and really gets into it. He gives all the kids candy canes, even in the middle of summer. If a child goes up to him, he pulls out a little black book and finds their name, then checks it. And we see him everywhere- Wal-Mart, dining out, the gym swimming pool (not pretty, by the way).

So, when Maddie and I walked into the gym and saw him drinking coffee, Maddie really wanted to go talk to him. She walked right over, and tugged on his pants.

Maddie: "Thanks, Santa."

Sweet Santa:"Oh, hello there. Did you have a good Christmas? Did you get everything you wanted?"

Maddie: "Thank you for everything."

Stupid Santa:"What did you get?" I could see the wheels turning. What do you mean? You are Santa. You know what I got.

Maddie: "The Princess Bike"

Senile Santa: "The Princess Bride? I'm glad you like it."

I grab her hand, and pull her to the nursery. Seriously, what 3 year old gets The Princess Bride for Christmas? And why, oh why, would Santa admit that he didn't know what he got her? Just play along, you moron. That's what all good Santa's do.

I think we will be avoiding this Santa, for a while. Unless he's around and Maddie won't eat her dinner, of course.

I just hope he doesn't slip up and tell her that he's not really Santa. And that he doesn't really care if she eats or not. I'd hate to have to kick Santa's butt, all the way to the North Pole. But, I will.