Sunday, February 17, 2008

Just A Swingin'

Thanks everyone, for the well wishes. I'm feeling much better. Justin is sick, now, but hopefully, he'll be over it soon. Now- how my weekend really started.

While I was working on Friday night, my stomach started hurting and wasn't getting better. I needed to throw up, but I just couldn't do it. Not with automatic flushers on the toilets. Not with all kinds of strangers, using those toilets. Nope, I just couldn't. So, my stomach ache didn't get any better. In fact, it got worse and worse.

Around 8:30, I thought I was going to D.I.E. Every time I went to a table, I knew there was the chance that I was going to vomit on them. Not good. Another table was seated in my section. Since it was only 2 people, and they seemed like nice, normal people, I decided to take care of them, then ask to go home.

Everything went well. I hunched over in pain, one time, but they didn't seem to notice. They didn't need much, so I was able to go sit in the cooler, in a futile attempt to feel better.

After they paid, I was walking in his direction. He got super, uncomfortably close to me, touched my stomach, and told me that there was a note for me under the credit slip. Whatever, I thought, probably just another one telling me that I was a great server and to have a great weekend.

Not. Quite.

I scratched out the name and number, but it probably wouldn't have mattered. They probably would have appreciated a call, because I sure wasn't going to do it!

Which brings me to this. . . why me?!? Did I give off a swinger-type vibe? Was it my slightly green skin color? Was it my continuous swallowing, trying to keep the vomit down?

And, now that I think about it. . . they didn't really look like what I thought swingers looked like. He wasn't sporting a 70's porn star moustache and gold pinky ring. She wasn't wearing a scandalous top with fake boobs hanging out and super tight polyester pants. Illusions were shattered. Swingers could be everywhere, dressed like normal people, and I would never know it!!!

I wondered what the proper etiquette was. Should I text her and tell her that I wasn't interested? Should I call and let them know that I'm not down wit' dat? I considered letting Justin call, but then thought that they might invite him to come along. What to do. . . what to do.

By the time I made it home, I was way too sick to even think about what I should do about it. Other than show Justin and let him laugh.

I probably would have done the courtesy call, though, if they had actually tipped over 15%. You tip under 15%, I'm not calling, much less participating in a swingin' 3-way booty call.

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April said...

Oh my gosh Chelsea! That is the funniest thing I have ever heard, the Lobster just gets wierder every day doesn't it? I have never known any actual swingers, but that's great! See ya at work!

lattemommy said...

Oh. My. God.

You have got to be kidding! That's unbelievable. You just never know, do you?

Now you've got a great story to tell at parties!

Amy said...

What kind of place to you serve at?
Just kidding.

My co-workers tell stories of a couple that they know that swings. Apparently they are very normal and shy people, until they get drunk or visit far away cities.

Adrienne and Jim said...

Oh my gosh!! I'm sorry you feel so bad. Just think, you were hit on between throwups in the bathroom! You must be some waitress! :) How creepy. I wonder if they were the coulple Amy has heard about at work!!! I hope you feel better soon!

Amy said...

Oh my gosh! That is just CRAZY!! But what a great story! You must be one sexy mama!

Karen said...

AHHHHHH!!!! I think I'd have thrown up right on the spot.

But in thinking of it later, one could be flattered. You know? In a sick, weird sort of way.

suchsimplepleasures said...

omg...that is so freaking hilarious...and sick, at the same time!!
when i lived in a different subdivision...there was a whole known group of swingers...and, somehow unbeknown to us, we became friendly with a couple who was involved in this little activity. we went with them (still didn't know about the swinging thing, yet) on a camping trip...all the kids, too. and...another couple(who weren't this couple...the swingers...they were making innuendos...all.weekend!! we ended the beginning of the friendship...after that weekend!! not that there is anything wrong with swinging...just doesn't fit into our!!
that is so funny! a story to pass on to your grandchildren!!
so so funny!
hope you're feeling better!

Laura said...

WAY wrong. people hitting on you while sick...hope you're feeling better!

amanda said...

hahahahaha! too funny!

Sarah O. said...

Eeeeep. You must be sexy when you're nauseous.

Do feel better soon!

Kellan said...

How hysterically funny!! I'm so sorry you were feeling so bad - but this is so funny and your last line was perfect!! You are such a hoot!! This just made my day - see you later. Kellan

Tara R. said...

OMG.... that is incredible. That would have made me sick even if I wasn't feeling bad to start with. WOW!

Irene said...

Yikes, that would seriously gross me out! And to be sick to begin with? UGH. I would definitely be doing the big heave ho!

But I have to say, it is pretty funny too.

Suburban Turmoil said...

Waaaa ha hah haha!!! OMG! That is sooooo funny. Thank you for scanning the note, because that just makes it even funnier!

Remember my swinger column, when that guy sat next to Hubs and I at a bar and started asking about our sex life?

Swingers are all over the place!

It must have been the about-to-puke look that made them think you were interested...

Christine said...

How funny! Hope you feel better.

Sassy said...

Girl, you are hilarious.
In Texas, swingers have a green light on their porch, they do!

Seriously, I have never looked good enough to be hit on when I am sick, not even by my husband...LOL.
You got game.

Rachel said...

I am rolling. You hot mama you!!
And all this while not feeling well, dang girl. You are one. hot. ticket :-)
What a great story and really, it's kind of flattering :-)

noble pig said...

Oh God, you must have laughed so hard! What were they thinking, that you were asking for it? Sheesh!

BookMomma said...

Nuh-UH!!! That is CRAZY!!

Too bad you weren't feeling up to appreciating the brevity of the situation and laugh at it when it happened. Ever see that SITC episode where Miranda almost goes through with one?

In a funny way, it must be just a teensy bit flattering...

kimmie said...

Just don't ever tell me if you do go through with it. I could never look you in the eye again!! Ha ha ha

chantelle said...

Whoa. That's too funny. Pretty crazy/creepy,too.

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