Truer Words Were Never Spoken

When I got the email last week asking me to help teach Maddie's class during church, I didn't hesitate to agree. After all, I have volunteered to help fill in several times, and had no problem. I was sure that I would simply be the assistant. You know, help write names, put some stickers on a sheet of paper, and make sure the right child went home with the right parent.

Then, I got a phone call later that day, asking if Justin could be my assistant. I answered for him and said that it wouldn't be a problem.

Suddenly, the pressure was on. I was no longer the assistant, I was the teacher.

I looked over the lesson plan. Easy enough.

I prepared the crafts. No problem.

I was determined to be ready.

Nothing can prepare you for going from 1 four year old to 16 four year olds.

Nothing.

When the last child left, Justin and I looked at each other.

"Wow- that was one crazy hour." I said, to break the silence.

"You know, there are certain people that are called to do this and are truly gifted. We aren't them." Justin quietly said.

I'm calling the church tomorrow and asking if I can be a substitute in the baby room. Or a greeter. Or on the notes and cards team. Or, well, anything but teaching in the four year old room.

Unless I'm with someone who knows what they are doing and I can just be there. For moral support, you know.

Which Is Worse?

I need your help again. Justin and I had a slight disagreement and there is no way for us to come to a definitive conclusion.

Here's how it went down.

We were sitting on the couch last night. I casually remarked, "I was on the computer today while talking on the phone. I needed a pen. I reached over and found your TOENAIL! It was DISGUSTING! I mean, how hard is it to walk to the trashcan and throw away your toenail? And it was from your big toe, and that made it even worse."

He laughed. Really hard. I didn't. At all.

His response, "So, what did you do with it?"

"I called Maddie over and made her throw it away."

He thinks that me making Maddie throw it away is worse than him actually leaving it sitting on our computer desk.

What do you think? While you're thinking, think about how gross toenails are and that he left it only 10 feet from the trash can and his legs aren't broken or in any way hurt. And I was grossed out.

Farewell, My Friend

I've missed you the last several days. Since I'm afraid that this may be the end, I will continue to miss you.

You've been with me every morning, and every afternoon since college.

I haven't seen or smelled you since last Saturday.

My head has been hurting. My vision is slightly blurred. I'm constantly sleepy.

But, I will make it.

I must. For my kidney's sake. They just can't take it any longer.

I'm not giving you up completely. I would/could never do that. But I'm saving you for special occasions. Shopping, play dates, and occasionally when I visit my mom.

So long, coffee. You've been so good to me for so long.

Until you turned your back on me. And became my addiction.

The Post Were "Ugh" Says It All

I don't remember much of yesterday. I saw that I wrote a somewhat coherent post about my kidney infection.

I spent 80% of the day lying in bed in a pain medicine induced haze. Luckily my friend offered to watch Maddie for me, so I didn't have to feel guilty about making her watch every Disney movie known to man.

I went back to the doctor today, because the pain was no better after a shot, and 2 days of antibiotics.

The doctor's response, "He gave you WHAT? That medicine doens't work for kidney infections."

And then. . .

"I'll call the nurse in to give you another shot."

Great.

Now, my kidneys hurt, my head hurts from lack of coffee, and both butt cheeks hurt.

And, my friend just let me know that Maddie is complaining of her throat hurting.

It's going to be a long rest of the day.

Urgent Apparently Has Different Meanings For Different People

In the waiting room of my family doctor's office, there is a sign that says, " We understand that your time is important to you. If you have waited 30 minutes, please alert the front desk."

That office is closed on Sundays.

The sign at the Urgent Care Center doesn't. It reads, "Patients are seen on a first come, first serve basis."

Great. I signed myself in. The receptionist said, "We are on a 1 1/2 to 2 hour wait, right now."

I had no choice. My kidneys were hurting like crazy.

I waited and waited. Justin and Maddie were able to go eat lunch, get a hair cut, and do the grocery shopping in the time I spent in the office.

All I could think of was the way 2 weeks ago, I thought I had a bladder infection. Since it's summer, I just don't have time to be sick, so I drank lots of cranberry juice.

It seemed to go away, but would resurface a few days later. Again- cranberry juice and an OTC medicine.

Now, I have a kidney infection. All because I thought I didn't have time to go to my "you'll never wait more than 30 minutes" doctor.

To top off my 3 hour wait, I had to get a shot. By a really big, burly man nurse. In the butt.

And, after 3 hours, I didn't even care. Until he told me that I had to wait another 15 minutes before I could leave.

Promises Broken

The last time I went to Disney World, I was 19 and went with my mom and two of my sisters. The lines were long, it was hot, and I had a double ear infection. It was incredibly fun. I can't wait to experience Disney World as a parent and watch Maddie have as much fun as I did- even at 19.

After that trip, I made a promise to myself that there was one thing I wouldn't do. It was something that my mom did. And, every time she did it, my sisters and I would elbow each other, roll our eyes, and laugh behind her back.

Nobody- and I mean NOBODY- cut in front of us in line. My mom would tap them on the shoulders, nod her head back about an hour to the back of the line, and inform the line jumper that, "the line starts back there."

It didn't matter if the offender was 6, 16 or 60. Old people in wheelchairs should have to wait as long as everyone else. 4 year old that needs to go to the potty after waiting in line an hour and has to leave- sorry, we don't hold places in the line.

Yesterday, we went to a water park. Maddie was waiting in line to go down the slide. Two little girls got in front of her. Then 3 older boys almost knocked her down to get in front of her.

I walked over to the line and broke my promise to myself. I became my mom.

No one breaks in front of my baby when I'm around.

I'm Just Glad We're Moving At The End Of Summer

As I may have mentioned, we are leaving this apartment for good. Our house should be finished by the end of July. Needless to say, we are ecstatic.

I've always liked my apartment. I like my next door neighbor that plays in the house band for the Grand Ole Opry and tells me crazy stories of the Opry in the 60's. I like the convenience of it being 5 minutes to everything, especially Target. I like the fact that I've never had to fix anything and if the light bulb just happens to be blown in the room the maintenance people are working in, they go out to their little golf cart, get one of the good ones, and replace it without even asking.

I will miss those things a little bit.

I will not miss the skunk that lives in a hole right outside of our apartment. I will not miss the maintenance people walking in to change the air filter/spray for pests/check the smoke alarm at the most inopportune times- right after getting out of the shower, or nap time. I will not miss the cheapo carpet/refrigerator/stove/air conditioner. I will not miss the fight for parking spots.

Now that I think about it, I can only think of one thing that I will miss. A lot.

The pool.

During the summer, we spend most mornings at the pool. Usually with my friend and Maddie's future husband, Ethan.

It's free. There aren't many people swimming and splashing me. Lunch is just a short walk away. Maddie and Ethan play together in the water, while Christie and I hang out and do what we do best- talk.

The best thing about the pool, though, is the sheer exhaustion that follows.

Maddie is content to just relax for the rest of the day. There is no, "Can we go here?" "What are we gonna do tonight?" "Can we go to the mall?" "What fun thing is going to happen now?"

Instead, I hear, "I'm just gonna sit on the couch for a few minutes." "What movie can I watch?" "I don't really wanna go anywhere. I'm too tired."

Today, she even took a nap. For her, that's HUGE. She hasn't taken a non- car ride inducing nap in I don't know how long.

It was great.

So, while I will miss the pool and the memories it is sure to bring. I'll really miss the naps.

How To Tell Your Child Watches Too Much Television

Saturday night found us shopping in tourist hell- otherwise known as Opry Mills. We go almost every time my mom or other family members come to visit. We walk around for a couple of hours and very rarely buy anything.

I was on a mission, though. It was the day before Father's Day, and since Justin broke the tradition of no gifts on Mother's Day, I needed to find him something. Anything- at this point.

After looking through several stores and not finding anything, Maddie, my nieces, and I walked past Bed, Bath and Beyond. And there in the window, I saw it.

"Look Mommy!! It's just what Daddy needs."

My eyes were glued to the back massager with infrared heat capabilities. "I see it. Don't you think Daddy will like that?"

"Yes. The Aqua Globe. You just fill it with water, stick it in the soil, and it waters your plants for up to two weeks!"

Her eyes had that crazy infomercial glaze to them. She wanted-no, needed- those Aqua Globes.

"I promise they work. The 'mercial on tv said that they work."

We didn't get the Aqua Globes. She decided that Daddy would like the back massager better.

And as I was lying on the floor, letting her try out Justin's gift on my back, I was sure we had made the right decision.

Until she got distracted by a commercial on television and dropped the stupid thing that weighs a ton on my ear. Then, I wished we had gotten him something else.

The Big One

Maddie is going through a stage right now. It's the I'm right, you're wrong, I'm going to argue about everything with you, not listen, and disobey at every opportunity- stage. Most of the times she does really well, but when she gets in one of her moods, watch out.

We went to our church's picnic today. It was at an awesome park and was the perfect day for it. BBQ, potato salad, baked beans, and sweet tea.

After we ate and visited with friends, Maddie was hot and sweaty from playing on the inflatables, so we decided to walk to the river. It is really shallow, and lots of kids were playing in it.

We kicked off our shoes and started to walk on the rocks.

"We saw a snake." A little girl said. Justin and I thought she must have meant a tadpole or that she saw a snake at a different time. In a different river.

We kept walking. The rocks were slippery and I was having a hard time holding onto Maddie's hand. I told her that we needed to head back to the picnic.

"But I wanna see the snake!" She whined.

"There isn't a snake." I replied.

A voice came from behind me, "Actually, it came out a few minutes ago and went back under that rock." It was the girl's dad. OMG GETOUTOFTHEWATER!

Maddie wanted to see the snake. I wasn't having it.

She took a step back into the river.

"Maddie- if you take another step, we have to leave the picnic."

The stinker took two steps. Right onto the rock where the snake was supposedly hiding.

I picked her up- screaming and crying- and we started saying our goodbyes and gathering our stuff.

She claimed that she forgot. Yeah- in the two seconds after I told you not to do it.

She claimed that it was an accident. I'm sure it was, now that you know we are leaving.

She cried. She whined. And, when we were almost to the car, she told the biggest lie that I think she's ever told. . .

"Mommy? Do you know the real reason I disobeyed you?" Finally- she's going to admit that she just wanted to keep having fun and maybe see the snake. I can work with that.

"Why?"

"Well- I was hot and sweaty. I was ready to go home."

I sincerely hope that that's not the truth.

If it is, I walked right into her trap and she got just what she wanted.

Too Much

Dear Sir:

When I saw you at the water park earlier today, I recognised you. I've seen you at this particular park several times. And, it's not so much your face that I recognise, but your attire.

Speedos, to be exact.

My nieces giggled and rolled their eyes when they saw you. My daughter and her friend wondered why you were wearing your underwear.

I tried to ignore you, but you were everywhere I went. When I was waiting for Maddie to go down the slide, you walked beside me and did a little jig to get the water out of your ears. I politely turned my head. You know, just in case slippage happened.

I knew that I had to write you this letter, to let you know that in the case of men's swimwear, more is better. Especially when an inner tube was in your way, and instead of walking around it, you hurdled it.

It really was too much.

Thanks,

Every female (and probably male) at Wave Country Water Park

p.s. Buy some freakin' swim trunks!!!!

Boy, Boys, Boys

When I left to go visit my family last weekend, I took Maddie and our dog. I came back with both of them, plus 2 of my nieces.

My teenage niece and my pre-teen niece.

My world has changed.

Every summer they come and stay a week- longer, if I'm lucky. It was a tradition we started when they were 7 and 9. I look forward to their visit every year.

But, times have changed.

The first couple of years that they came to stay, I kept them occupied with trips to the science museum, zoo, art museum, and the pool. They hung onto my every word, and what I said was gospel.

Last year, it was all about going to the pool, Hannah Montana, cell phones and iPods.

This year, there is only one word to describe their behavior. BOYS.

Every conversation revolves around who they like, who they don't like, how many times they saw Prince Caspian because he is so cute, who just sent a text, who might call later. . . You get the point.

I listen to them, and laugh because I know that they will be going home at the end of the week and my sister can deal with it for the next few years. It's comforting really.

Crap. I'm going to have a pre-teen in 8 years.

I'll just send her to my sister. She'll have the experience, after all.

Dinner With The Girls

The five of us- my sisters, mom, and I- sat at the kitchen table. The children, all 7 of them, were playing not so quietly in the other room. The husbands that were present, were watching television in the living room.

"Do you remember when. . .?" "I can't believe that happened!" "What about when. . . " "You did WHAT?!?"

Laughter followed every one of these statements. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I'm talking stomach hurting, tears flowing, pick me up off the floor laughing.

We talked about growing up on the farm. We talked about crazy things we did and the crazy things our kids do. We made fun of each other. And each other's cooking- well, really only one person's cooking. It wasn't mine.

I wish I could go into detail about some of the funny stories we told. I wish I could share our memories with you.

But, I can't.

Blame my family. After every anecdote, I heard the phrase, "You can't put this on your blog."

Hhhmmmmm. . . Maybe I'll just have to start a blog that they don't know about. And share every one of their secrets.

I can promise you it would be entertaining.

It was the most fun dinner I've had in a long time, and I can't even blog about it.

Gram's Girl

Friday evening I will cease to exist in Maddie's mind. Until Monday, that is.

We are headed to my parent's home for the weekend. Maddie has already informed me that she will be "Gram's girl" all weekend long.

Since Maddie has declared herself Gram's girl, I've decided to hand over some of our, shall we say- issues to my mom for the weekend.

Eating- We are in a big time rut with Maddie's eating. She eats pb&j in a bowl (obviously), cheese cubes, bananas, strawberries, pop tarts, and pancakes. Have fun with this one, mom.

Knowledge- Apparently, we are wasting our time and money sending her to school. When we try to tell her something, her response is "I know that already." Since my mom has experience with raising 4 know-it-alls, that will now admit that they don't know jack, I figure she's the perfect person to do the job.

Family planning- Yes, Maddie wants a sibling. No, we aren't ready and aren't really sure if we ever want to be a family of more than three and a dog. You can take care of that one, right Mom?

Optic rolling- For some reason, when we ask/tell Maddie to do something that she doens't want to do, her eyes roll to the back of her head and is followed with a big huff. Stomping of the feet occurs almost immediately. I seem to remember my younger sister having this problem. . . It must run in the family. I guess I was one of the lucky ones and this medical mystery skipped me.

Let me know how this goes for you, Mom. I'll be the one being ignored by her daughter, in favor of her Gram, Pop, aunts, uncles, 6 cousins, and a shih-tzu named Lily.

Priorities

The day draws closer and closer. The day that we leave apartment living forever and move into our first house. We are hoping to be in the house at the end of July.

We've decided that our old, broken-down, second-hand apartment stuff won't be good enough for the new place. And, in all honesty, it won't.

We are keeping our couch and loveseat, and adding slip covers until we can afford all new. We are keeping our bed and two beds that I found at an estate sale. That's about it.


Justin and I made a list of necessities. Things that we would need starting on the day we move in. Then, we ranked them.

Obviously, our first two big items, we agreed on immediately. Refridgerator and washer/dryer set.


But, after that, it got tricky. For some reason, Justin thought we would need an entertainment center before a dining room table and chairs. In fact, he ranked the table and chairs 7 out of 7.

Interesting, isn't it? Particularly since we had the conversation a week prior about how we needed to start eating every meal at the table and not in front of the television. Especially in the brand new house that doesn't have any stains or spills in it. Yet.

Yes, this is the house that Tractorhead built. It sits on almost 2 acres, so we will definitely be adding a lawn mower to the list of necessities. But, we are hoping to wait until next summer to buy one. We are taking volunteers to help out with the yard work, so feel free to do so in the comment section.

Justin is meeting with the banker tomorrow to find out exactly how much more we can do.

Right now, I'm hoping for bricks. Maybe some walls- yeah, walls would be nice.

Pet Peeve That I Would Totally Do But Never Admit

It was a date with ourselves. After a nice, leisurely lunch with no 4 year olds begging us to color, play tic-tac-toe, or entertain their every whim, my best friend and I went to get pedicures.

Believe me- it was long past due. No comments needed from you, Justin. Thankyouverymuch.

We settled into our massage chairs that beat the living crap our of backs and made things jiggle that aren't meant to jiggle in a pedi session. At least, I don't think they are supposed to jiggle- who knows.

It was relaxing. It was peaceful.

Until. Great. I knew this was going to happen.

The two people taking care of our tootsies started talking to each other. In another language.

We didn't even look at each other. But, we read each other's minds. And Christie did it.

"Are y'all talking about us and our nasty feet?" You go girl!! Called 'em out and in their own territory. NOW WHAT!?! Wait a minute- who's feet are you calling nasty? Mine? Yeah- you're right.

Quick denials came from both of them. They claimed they were talking about a movie. A Chinese movie- one that they are sure we've never heard of and can definitely not Google it.

But then, they started talking about movies that are out now and gave us their personal reviews. By the time they were done, I was kinda hoping that they would have just admitted that they were, indeed, talking about us.

Which, I'm sure they were. In some capacity.

Cause, I know that if my friends and I were able to speak a second language and we had to give pedicures all day long- we would take full advantage of it and talktalktalktalktalk. And no one would know what we were talking about. It's genius, I tell ya. Pure genius.

I'm so jealous of bilinguals.

Stranger Danger

Saturday night we went to dinner, and of course, every dinner with Maddie involves a mandatory trip to the potty. On the door of the bathroom, there was a picture of an adorable little boy.

MISSING

It broke my heart. He was kidnapped when he was two and he just had his fourth birthday. It brought so many questions to mind. What would I do? Are his parents still actively searching for him? Is he still alive?

And, of course, Maddie saw the poster and wondered what I was looking at. I decided to be as honest as I could.

I told her that he was a little boy that had been taken from his parents and his parents must miss him like crazy. The conversation continued at the table, where Justin and I went over a ton of situations with her and what she should do in each circumstance.


We went over the candy/toys from strangers. We went over the walking up to a stranger's car. We went over emergency phone numbers.

We finished dinner and headed to the store. Justin and Maddie split half of a brownie on the way there. He wrapped the rest of it back up and told her that they would save it for later.

I asked Maddie what the most important rule was while we were in the store.

"To stay with you and Daddy." She really was listening, I guess. Score one for me and Justin. "Because if a stranger took me, I wouldn't get to finish that brownie." Score one for Maddie.

We laughed and agreed with her that she wouldn't get her brownie if a stranger took her.

But, I couldn't help thinking of that little boy and his mommy. And wondering if he has had a brownie recently.