Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Words That Hurt

Maddie has always been an incredibly sweet and loving little girl. She started saying "I wuv ooh" at 14 months. She gives hugs 8 billion times a day- unless you initiate them, then it gets ugly. We've had lots of contests on who loves who the most.

A few nights ago, I was putting her to bed. I read her books, she said her prayers, and as I tucked her in, I told her that I love her.

She called me back in her room, hugged my neck, and said, "I love you, but Mommy? I love Daddy more."

I didn't know what to say. So I just told her that I still love her as much as I always have and walked away, secretly wiping a tear from my eyes.

Now, she tells me all the time that she loves something else more than she loves me. She even told me that she loves my mom's dog more than me.

I know that much of this is for attention. I say the same thing every time about me loving her no matter what and all that junk, but it doesn't seem to make her stop.

Today, we were crossing the road with some friends. Somehow, the conversation turned to me possibly getting hit by a car/truck. While I don't remember exactly how the words were put, I know exactly what she meant.

She, my very own daughter, said that she wouldn't care.

Now, I know I've been stressed lately. I know that she has had to spend more time away from me while I've been working. I know that I've been much more impatient with her whining and constant "mommymommymommymommy".

But, dang. . . I had no idea she felt that strongly.

She is going to stay with my mom for a week soon. I wonder if she'll miss me then.

Somehow, I doubt it.

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lattemommy said...

She will totally miss you. I know you know it's a phase, but it still hits pretty hard, doesn't it? When I think of some of the things I said to my mother over the years... oh, the guilt.

Maybe you could find some time this weekend to do "something special" just for the two of you? That might be just the thing she needs to help put an end to the "I hate mommy" phase.

noble pig said...

Oh she is so playing know that...but it does sting. She will miss you, she will!

MommyTime said...

Oh, sweetie, that's so hard. She will miss you, though, of course. But children do come up with that kind of distancing strategy sometimes when they are afraid that they are too needy. Perverse, I know, but true. So many stories I've read here make it clear how much she loves you. I think Latte's idea of some special time with just you two is a good one. A little connection time, even if she doesn't SAY anything about it, will mean more than any words might to her. Good luck. This, too, will pass.

BookMomma said...

Noble Pig is right, she is SO playing you! It is just a phase, but I hope its a short one. That has to be torturing you!

Seems like I read about this somewhere... if I find the article I'll send it over.

Sarah O. said...

Awwwww! She's at that stage in which she's trying to become more independent. Heavens, my daughter always, from day one, preferred her dad to me and ouch, the hurt and jealousy! But she's 16 now, we've been through a lot of stages (more to come still!) and there's no doubt that she's adored me all along.

Trust me, you're always Numero Uno in her heart. Forever.

Anonymous said...

My mom said I used to do this her her. I was exactly the same age as Maddie, and I would say "The name I say next is the one I love most... Daddy". She said it broke her heart. Of course, I never meant it, and don't remember saying it, or liking him better than her, so there are no long term effects! Anyway, just know that you did nothing wrong, and it will pass :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Ouch! I agree, it's just a phase, but I totally understand that it must hurt, a lot.

Jonny's Mommy said...

Kids don't really understand what they are saying. She's going to miss you. I'm sure she is.

But wow....ouch..that must have hurt.

My mom said the worst is when a child whips around and screams "I hate you!" which I did to her once and only once. She burst into tears and I felt like the biggest craphead ever. Never did it again.

Anonymous said...

Oh she will miss you for sure.

I've been getting some of that guff around these parts too. Such a strange phase. I wonder exactly where it comes from.

Wendi said...

That hurt!
She is so smart that little Maddie.
She is playing you like a fiddle.
She loves you and will miss you like crazy.
You'll see.

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