Beauty School

I purposefully keep an extremely easy hair style. I can shower, rub in some mousse/gel/balm/whatever I'm not out of, and go. I go to the cheap salons for cutting it and for waxing my brows. I don't consider myself to be high maintenance. But even I have standards and a few basic requests.

Since I go to whichever salon is having a sale, I rarely get the same person. I don't mind. I figure that they need all the practice they can get, and I'm helping them train for the real salons. With that in mind, here are some tips I gathered at my recent visits.

To my stylist of the day: Please do not dialogue every step you take, like you are explaining it to your teacher. It does not make me trust you or your scissors. I also do not want to have my head bent at an unnatural angle and hear you say, "Now, how did that happen?" I will most assuredly move my head from that awkward position and then you will forget about whatever it is that you just did. When you think you are done, please don't hand me the mirror when it is obvious that there is a 2 inch difference between the right and left side. And I beg of you, please do not complain about having to sweep up the hair off the floor when I'm still sitting in the chair.

To my eyebrow waxer: First, please do not get offended that I was shocked when it was you doing my brows. I was simply surprised to see a bearded woman working in a beauty salon, and I really didn't mean to stare. Please do not tell me how long it has been since you have waxed someone's brows and ask your co-worker where your little strippy thingamajigs are. And if you ask what I want, please don't interrupt me to tell me that you go for the natural look. Believe me, I know- I saw your beard. Please don't let the wax get cold before you put on the strips because you got mad at me for laughing as you expounded on the wonders of body hair and how each one serves a purpose.

That just about covers it. Did I miss anything?