Alex, Queen of the Squirrel Mob

It was such a beautiful fall day, I traded running on the treadmill to going to the park for my run. The air was crisp, there were very few people on the trail, and I had all the problems of the world solved. It was one of those days when you just couldn't help but enjoy yourself.

At about mile 1, I hear something behind me. I glance over my shoulder and don't see anything but a cute little squirrel. And I realize that it is following me, jumping from tree to tree. I am so overwhelmed by her cuteness, I give her a name. Alex. Alex keeps up with me and keeps getting closer and closer, until I started getting a little freaked out. "Now, Alex, I don't have any food for you. Go wait at the picnic tables, I'm sure some other human will share."

Alex looked at me with the saddest eyes. Then it jumped to the next tree and started chasing another squirrel. Squirrel #2 then started following me, until it came to squirrel #3. This went on for quite a while. I think it went all the way to 6 or 7 squirrels. I started imagining that the squirrels were telling each other that I didn't have any snacks and not to bother following me. (Hey, I do what I can to make the time go faster.)

As I was finishing my run, I came to this area that is away from the trail. It has military style strength training equipment arranged in a circle. I decide to try some of it out, you know, just in case I ever want to join the military. And I hear a little noise, kinda like a chirp. I look- IT'S ALEX!!

I smiled like a little kid. It was like I had found my long lost hamster. Alex gets a little closer. And then closer. I'm not really liking it. What was that? I look to my right- I think it's squirrel #2. Well, that's strange. To my left is another freakin' squirrel.

They had me surrounded. There was a full circle of about 7 or 8 squirrels. That sneaky Alex wasn't telling all of her little friends that I didn't have any snacks. She was planning an ambush! It was like the squirrel mafia, and Alex was the head of it. First I felt betrayed, then, well- I was scared. What if they had plans to attack me? Don't these things have rabies?? And one by one, they start getting closer. Would they go straight for the eyes, or start biting my ankles first?

Think, think, think. What would Survivorman do? I started to explain to them that I didn't have any food with me. That didn't work. So I looked each one in their beady little eyes, gave a little nod to acknowledge the challenge, started yelling at the top of my lungs and ran around in circles until they had all scattered.

And when I was done, I left with my head held high. But I'm never going try to make friends with a squirrel again. No matter how cute it is.