I'm Sorry I Asked

Thursday, on the way home from school:

"So, Maddie- how was your day? I can't wait to hear about it."

She took a deep breath and in a long exhale told me:

"Well- Tim got in trouble during circle time because Eve was trying to tell a story about her dead rabbit and how it was bleeding and they had to bury it in the mulch in her back yard. That's why I don't want mulch. She said it was gross and did you know that she has a baby brother? So does Ben. Kelly's mommy is gonna have a baby in the summer. All of my cousins have sisters or brothers. Why don't I? I want to be a big sister. To twins. I'm gonna pray to God tonight for babies. Don'tcha think that's a good idea?"

Ummmm- I just wanted to know how your day was. A "good" or "bad" would have been fine, you know. "Sure, you can pray to God about anything."

How could I tell her that another baby is not really in our plans? How could I tell her that with us building a house, private school, gas prices, food prices, etc. we can't really afford to even think about another child right now? How could I tell her that she may be an only child?

I couldn't. So, I didn't.

I told her that I loved her. And that if God wants us to have another baby, we will when He wants it to happen. And, it doesn't hurt to pray about it.

Just stop praying for twins.

Half- Baked Idea

Most of my friends have more than one child. All of my sisters have 2. I have Maddie. And Grendal.

Most days, I'm fine with that.

But, there are some days, when I really, kinda, sorta think I might want another child. You know, someone that Maddie can share her secrets with. Maybe a little boy, so that Justin can talk sports and have someone actually listen. Even another girl would be fun.

Usually these thoughts are quelled when I hear a screaming toddler or smell a smelly diaper. I start thinking about sleepless nights, diapers, spit up, and mind-numbing screaming. Babies are great and all, but I'm pretty partial to 4 year olds right now. They can talk. They are potty trained. They can watch entire movies at a time, without interrupting my computer time.

My manager asked if we were planning on having any more children. I gave my standard answer, "Right now, we are having so much fun with Maddie, we are waiting to see if we want any more." And then, for some reason, I told her more about how I felt.

We discovered that we were pretty much complete opposites. I loved being pregnant, she hated it. She really likes the baby phase, I love the preschool age. I even told her that I would like to be pregnant and give birth to a fully functional 4 year old. I would settle for a 3 year old, though, if it was potty trained.

And, an idea was hatched.

We decided that I should get pregnant, give it to her for the first 3 or 4 years, then I would take over.

Then, I started thinking about how I would have to UPS my breastmilk to her. And, that I would miss the first time it rolled over, cooing, crawling, pulling up, the first steps, and well- everything fun that a baby does. Would she take pictures of the first time it eats solids? What if it called her "ma ma"? I couldn't handle that.

QUICK!! HELP!! MAKE IT STOP!!

Someone hand me a baby's butt to wipe- I'm getting that feeling again.

Just joking, Justin.