If She Could Read And Write (And We Communicated Through Letters)

Dear Mommy,

I'm really hungry. I want a snack, okay? Umm, some cheese cubes and crackers, please.

Love, Maddie



Dear Maddie,

No. When I asked you what you wanted for lunch today, you told me a peanut butter sandwich. That's what I fixed you. You didn't eat it. Our new rules are if you don't eat a meal, you don't get a snack an hour later. You will wait until the next meal to eat. I hope you remember this tomorrow, at lunch.

Love, Mommy



Mommy,

I'm so, so, so, so hungry. Please feed me. I learned my lesson. I promise.

Your starving child, Maddie



Maddie,

I'm glad you learned your lesson. No food until dinner. That's after I leave to go to work in an hour. Daddy will fix you what you want.

Your guilt ridden Mommy




Mom,

I think you should go to work early today.

M




M,

I'm outta here. Tell Daddy what you want.

M

I hate enforcing new rules. Especially when they involve withholding food. But, dang, I don't really know what else to do. She will tell us what she wants, doesn't eat, then wants a snack. The cycle starts again because, then, she doesn't eat dinner.

I'm so open to suggestions.

Queen Jeneequa

My sister, Jenica, is probably the most gullible person on the face of the Earth. Which resulted in many, many practical jokes, on my part.

When I was 17, she was 14 and pretty much believed everything I said. For some reason, my friend and I decided to convince her that she was an alien.

Her new name was Queen Jeneequa, from planet Zorco. She had been sent to Earth as an infant to spy on the earthlings, and report back when she turned 15. We told her this every day for a few months. At first, she didn't believe us. But, after hearing over and over, she began to have some questions. And, we just fed into it.

One of the funniest moments was completely accidental. Every night, my mom would set the dishwasher to come on at 2 in the morning. Apparently, there was a short and my sister's lights would flicker on and off, every night when the dishwasher started. We convinced her that it was a sign from her alien relatives that they needed her back sooner.

The whole thing ended one night, when my friend and I stood outside her window, with flashlights and started chanting her alien name. The next thing we knew, her feet hit the floor and we heard her running. A few minutes later, my dad came outside to check everything out.

And, that was the end of Queen Jeneequa.

I wrote this story because my dear little sister told me that she checked my blog this morning, and that the post I did yesterday wasn't a real post. How did this one do, Queenie?

There's a 24% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens

Even though you have a few alien abduction signs, you're almost certainly in the clear. However, if aliens ever do come to your neck of the woods... they'll probably be coming for you!

What Are the Chances that You've Been Abducted by Aliens?

Jenica- I did this one for you. I want you to take the test. Seriously. Take the test.

Dude, Help Me

I've developed a bad habit. I thought I only did it around Maddie and Justin. I was wrong.

And someone at work caught me. Then, he called me out on it.

"Um, Chelsea- did you, um, did you just say 'dude'?"

Crap. I'm a 30 year old valley girl. Righteous.

I don't know when it started, but I use that stupid word all day long. Maddie shows me something new- "Cool, dude." I can't convince Maddie that I'm right, and she's wrong- "Whatever, dude." Maddie yells at me, while sitting on the potty, that she is going poo poo- "Do your thang, dude."

Tonight, I said it to an adult. He asked for me to help him- "Sure thing, dude." I. Must. Be. Stopped.

Or, should I?

Maybe I should embrace my inner valley girl. It sounds, like, totally gnarly, dude. I could, like, you know, say whatever, sounds awesomely cool.

Cowabunga. Dude.

She Looks Like Who??

When I'm out with Maddie, people always say, "She looks JUST like you." When she is with Justin, they always say, "Wow, she looks JUST like you."

For myself, I can't tell who she looks like. I think she has some of my facial expressions and definitely my attitude. I think she has Justin's nose (thank God) and his eyes.

So, I decided to let the professionals decide. And, the winner is. . .

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Geneology - Ancestory

Another Season Has Come and Gone -or- I Don't Like To Shave

Haiku

Long sleeves, sweaters, jeans

Fall is here, HOORAY!! It means-

prickly legs, for me.

Story of My Life

The night after we bought our super expensive pumpkins, I pretty much got over it. I mean, really, we've wasted our money on lots of things, why stop with fall produce. In fact, I was almost proud of us. We had just supported a local farmer. I understand the importance of buying local. I don't do it much, but I understand it.

And what if these are special pumpkins? What if they are really filled with jewels, winning lottery tickets, or keys to a new car? I could barely stand it. We needed to get started carving it right away.

So, we set up a table outside. Maddie began painting hers and I hoped against all hope that something magical was about to happen. I started taking the top off. Dang, this is hard. Must be really something good in there. Justin finally came to my rescue and finished sawing it. After a few struggles, we got the lid off. I couldn't wait to see what grand prize we had been awarded.

Disappointment abounded. Ooey, gooey, pumpkin junk. With more seeds than I ever thought possible.

But I threw some seeds in the grass. Maybe tomorrow there will be a really tall vine and I can go get the golden goose eggs.

It's a Fantasy World, After All

A few years ago, Justin told me he wanted to play fantasy football in a church league with some of his family. "No problem, just don't get hurt," I said "Not flag football. Fantasy football." He tried to explain. "So, there's this draft and we get to pick our players. We bid on them and try to get the best team to earn the most points." Seems simple enough to me. Boy was I wrong. Apparently you get points for all kinds of things. Field goals, touchdowns, yards earned, the list goes on and on and on. Take my word for it.

Living in Nashville, we are smack dab in the middle of Titan Territory. And it really is lots of fun. I even get into the Titans' games- well kinda. I'm usually on the phone, reading or playing Barbie with Maddie. But I hear the game in the background. That counts, right? So just imagine my confusion when I hear Justin cheer for the opposing team's quarterback. "Ssshhh! The neighbors might hear you. Keep it down!" I try to warn him. "Oh, it's okay. He's on my fantasy team. I don't really want his team to win, just for him to score more points." WHAT?!? I'm so confused. Just tell me what color to cheer for. Okay?

And I try to be supportive, I really do. But honestly, who can keep up with it unless you actually play? So I propose a new type of fantasy game. We'll call it "Fantasy Football Players' Wives Fantasy Shopping Trip" But really, any of my friends can play. And we're all on the same team. And we stop at Starbucks on the way home (winner's treat). And we hope to make it back in time for Desperate Housewives.

Rules and Scoring:
No children allowed. Shopping for children always acceptable.
Gain 1 point for every percentage off on the clearance rack. Example: 15% off=15pts
Get double points if purchase is shoes. Buy one get one half off not included.
For every single item purchase under $20 get 20 points.
Lose 10 points for items purchased full price.
Only Sunday afternoon shopping is eligible and must be witnessed by at least one other player.

And when we get home, the children are bathed and in bed, dinner is cooked, the house is clean and our husbands love every thing we bought. This is either the best fantasy ever, or they just really want us to take the kids next time.