Happy Mother's Day

Sooooo. . . Did everyone have a great Mother's Day? I sure hope so.

Because, I certainly did and bragging is about to commence.

Saturday, Justin and Maddie surprised me with 2 new dresses. Which I desperately needed, now that I might actually have a career and all. I must say I look pretty good in both of them. They done good. Oops, sorry- there go my Tennessee roots again.

After church, Justin and Maddie headed to his sister's house for a cook-out.

Do you understand what I'm telling you?

I had 3 1/2 hours. Alone. I napped. I read. I watched America's Next Top Model- uninterrupted.

It was blissful.

Then, I had to go to work. And, that's a whole different story.

I'll spare you the gory details of waiting tables on Mother's Day, but I will leave you with a couple of highlights.

Blue eyeshadow girl got caught stealing tips and got fired. Woohoo!
Nice man took his mom to dinner and watched porn on his cell phone during it. Nice.

That just abour sums up my mother's day. How was yours?

Maddie's Version Of Easter

Maddie's Easter egg hunt was today. If, by hunt, you mean throwing a ton of plastic eggs in the gym, and letting 20 three and four year olds run around like maniacs, trying to fill their baskets.

When I first got to the classroom, all of the children were sitting on the rug, listening to the teacher. She had the resurrection eggs, and was calmly going over the Easter story.

And, in my opinion, getting 20 kids to sit and listen to a story is a miracle, in and of itself.

I was not sure how much of the Easter story Maddie actually comprehended. I have been somewhat hesitant to go into full detail about it, but recently, she has asked a lot of questions about Jesus, God, Heaven, and what happens when you die. So, I asked her what Easter is all about.

Instead of hearing about the Easter Bunny and chocolate, she told me her version of the real Easter.

"Well, some people were mad at Jesus and hurt him. They put a cactus thing on his head and made blood come out. Then, they hurt his back. Bad. He died on a cross and they put him in a cave. Some ladies tried to find him, but he was gone. Angels came and told them that he wasn't there. He must have become a light, and flew to heaven, I don't know. Can I have some cheese?"

I think for a four year old, she's got it pretty well covered.

I just hope she remembers it on Easter morning, while she is hunting for eggs, and stuffing her face with chocolate.

Christmas Laughs

If you want a good laugh, turn up your volume and click here. Maddie and I have watched it over and over again, and it is still funny. Try it for yourself.

I have made the determination that Dec 1 was the start of the tacky Christmas sweater season. They are everywhere!! Except on me. I will never, ever wear bells, reindeer, wreaths, or a Christmas tree on a sweater. I just can't do it. I'm going to start a daily count on these Christmas sweaters and post it on this blog until Christmas.

Today, when Maddie was asked what she wanted Santa to bring her, her response was typical. "I want everything." I'm afraid she really does.

Why is it that the first year I actually go Christmas shopping early, I look in the paper today and everything I bought is now on sale? It's not fair, I tell ya!

We put up our Christmas tree tonight. We've had the same tree for 5 years. I've struggled with this tree every single year. It has never been straight. I've used paper towels in the stand. I've propped it against the wall. It has been the most frustrating tree. Ever. Until tonight. I realized I had the piece that holds it in the stand attached to the wrong piece. For 5 years. I can't say I miss the toilet paper around the base of it.

Does this stuff happen to anyone else??

Here Comes Santa Claus

For the last 2 weeks, we've heard all about the breakfast with Santa at Maddie's school. There were fliers almost every day, with random email reminders. It was only $7 a person, and the proceeds went to the varsity cheerleaders, so we decided to take Maddie.

Last year's visit with Santa was a flop, but since it had been an entire year, we thought she would do better. We rehearsed what Santa would say, and what he would be wearing. We told her there would be someone taking pictures. And she was ready. She knew exactly what she was going to ask for.

So, we got in line and waited. And waited. 25 minutes. Then when we got to the front of the line, there was a table set up. "They must be taking up more donations, or maybe if you want additional pictures," I said to Justin. "Just get the smallest amount."

When we stepped up to the table, we told the lady that we just had one child, and asked how much it would be for a picture."

"It's $35 to visit Santa and have your picture taken."

And just sitting in his fully padded lap was not an option. You had to pay the money even if you didn 't even want a picture.

"I thought the $7 each took care of the visit and the breakfast. I guess it was just for the 2 pancakes, slice of sausage and carton of milk. Dangit, I wish she had on her Christmas dress. For 35 extra dollars, it better be a good picture..." I whispered to Justin.

And then, I heard it. First, a whimper. Next came the subtle shake of the head. Could it be? Ooh, I think we may have an out.

"I don't wanna sit in his lap." YES!

"Are you sure?" please be sure, please, please, pretty please.

"Yes." and the angels started singing.

Justin and I made eye contact with each other and nodded. Then we each tried to put on a good show of trying to make her to sit in his lap. We didn't even mind a few tears, for effect.

I got my $35 back.

Spelling Be(tty)e

Shortly after Maddie started talking, we learned that if we didn't want her to repeat what we said, we needed to spell it. And we've gotten pretty good at it. So good, in fact, it's become part of our daily language. We make sure we don't mention people's names- we just use their initials. We try not to use words that we don't want her to say. So, we spell them.

We spent Thanksgiving weekend with Justin's mom, Bettye. Bless her heart. She tried. I really think she did. But, it's been a long time since she's had to guard her words, much less try to spell them. And while the spelling was correct, she spelled the wrong words.

"That lazy d-o-g, I could just shoot h-i-m dead." "That g-i-r-l that works for me named Sue, is so stupid, h-e-r parents must have been cousins." "Those people across the s-t-r-e-e-t from me sell drugs." And on and on.

I really don't want to get o-l-d.

Cookie, Who Wants A Cookie???

We are headed to the mountains of North Carolina for Thanksgiving. No, we don't have family or friends there. We meet up with Justin's brother and his family and spend the weekend at a cabin.

Last year, as we were discussing what everyone was bringing food-wise, I got this from my MIL "I'm bringing the turkey and dressing, green beans, corn, cranberry sauce, bread, pumpkin pie, and strawberry cake. Amy is bringing the ham, breakfast food, milk, a casserole, mac n cheese, etc. You can bring the cookies."

The cookies. I get to bring the cookies. Wonderful.

She has no idea how much pressure this puts on me. These cookies are Justin's and his brother's all time favorite dessert. Justin even had them at our wedding, instead of a groom's cake. I have watched 100+ of these cookies be gobbled up within days. No one can resist these little bites of deliciousness.

But you see, these cookies have a mind of their own. Sometimes they are too dry, sometimes they don't become firm enough to pick up without a spoon. And the same recipe is used every single time. The weather, the color of my shirt, and the music blaring are all factors to the perfect cookie. God help us all if the phone rings.

But, for the last couple of years, they've behaved themselves and turned out just as planned. Which just sets me up for failure. Will they taste right? What if they don't? I can't stand to disappoint his family. It's not fair!! Why can't someone else take over this dessert? Oh, dangit, it's raining, my green shirt is in the washer, and my cd player currently has A Chipmunk Christmas in it! None of which are conducive for cookies. Tempermental jerks. I. Can't. Do. This.

This year, I'm making the cookies again. I'm also making squash casserole, spinach dip, and broccoli salad. Because, you know, I'm soooo much more than just cookies.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!