I Don't Get It

One day, set aside for love. The balloons, the candy, the stuffed animals- I. Don't. Get. It. Why take one day of the year to show someone that you love them? I doesn't make sense to me.

For me, it is more romantic for my husband to surprise me with a milkshake in the middle of summer, than to give me flowers on Valentine's Day. For me, I would rather cook Justin his favorite meal, just because he wants it- not because it is Valentine's Day. Do I cherish Maddie's pictures more on Valentine's Day, than I do on any other day? Of course not.

Thanks to Rachel, From the Land of Monkeys and Princesses for this awesome graphic.

Now, I off to Target. To buy gifts for Maddie's preschool teachers, because not everyone in her class feels the same way I do. I looked like the bad mommy again, because I didn't bake a loaf of home-made strawberry bread, shaped in a heart. I brought strawberry jell-o.

It's red. What more could they expect from me?

We Got Hosed

Every October, sometime before Halloween, we get Maddie a pumpkin and let her paint it. Since we are going to be out of town for the next 2 weekends, yesterday was the only day we could do it as a family. We had seen a little place to buy fall items and decided to try it out.

Maddie hops out of the truck and can hardly wait to pick one out. While she and Justin try to find the perfect pumpkin, I go to the stand to ask about prices. The only sign says, "Due to drought, prices are higher this year." That should have been my first clue. The lady with plastic spider earrings told me they start at $8. I thought that was a little high, but there was no way Maddie would let us leave without a pumpkin.

She finds one. Then we find another one to carve while she paints hers. We take our 2 mid-sized pumpkins to the checkout. "That's $24.04" WHAT!?!? And we were stuck. We couldn't tell Maddie that the pumpkins were too expensive and we couldn't buy them. She would have been heartbroken. And truthfully, I really didn't want to deal with a tantrum at that moment.

So we loaded up our precious cargo and Maddie and left. We decided to stop at the store so we could get some carving utensils. Right in front of the door, like a slap in the face, I see a sign.

"Large Pumpkins $4.99"

Hallo-hooker

Ahh. October. Quite possibly the best month of the year. Time for nice days and cool nights. Time for trees changing colors and those annoying mosquitos to go away. Time for pumpkins and apple cider. Time for those annoying Halloween inserts to fall out of the paper every freakin' time I want to read what's going on in the world.

And today, I looked at it. Not because Maddie needed a costume (she's going as Tinkerbell and her best friend is Captain Hook), but because I was curious. I mean, what are the other kids wearing? The first few pages for girls were typical- pumpkins, lady bugs, puppies, princesses, etc. For boys, there were policemen, sheriffs, football players, skeletons, etc. You know- cute little kid stuff. And then I turned the page.

Is this really a front for a Fredericks' magazine? No- those are 9 or 10 year old models. Let's see. We have: Pirate Grrl, Sweetheart Bat, Major Flirt, Devil Grrl, and Gothic Geisha, to name a few. And what's scarier is this is not even the teen page. I'm not even going there.

Now, I will admit, some of the other costumes are cute. Disco Dolly, Nifty Fifties, and even the USA Cheerleader costumes are some that I would let Maddie wear. But the others? Not a chance. Ever.

And then I started thinking about what my sisters and I wore. I can only remember going trick or treating with my younger sister, I guess because my older two had already outgrown it. But our costumes usually involved 2 really itchy scarecrow costumes, some old dance costumes, and a wonder woman mask. When I was in second grade my mom dressed me in a gold one piece cat suit with black fringe on the side, stuffed my front an obscene amount, curled my hair, applied bright blue eyeshadow with pink blush. I thought I was a dancer. When we got to the party, she called me Dolly Parton. I didn't have a clue.

As I got a little older, it became really hard for me to find a costume that I liked. I remember specifically my 5th grade year. I know I was really too old to dress up, but if I didn't dress up, no one would want to give me the candy. And that's what it's all about. My mom wasn't going to be there that night, so she let me oldest sister help me get ready.

I'm sure I was sulking and not wanting to wear the scarecrow costume again, so I asked her boyfriend what I should be. He told me he would help me come up with one that "no one has seen around here." He picked out some jeans that I had outgrown 2 years before. Paired it with a shirt that belonged to my younger sister. Had me put on high heels that I had never even attempted to wear. When I asked what I was supposed to be, he called me a "high class fashion model." I let him put garish makeup on me- double the amount I had ever seen on any one person and helped me perfect the art of pouting. He taught me how to work the runway- even if it was really going to be a gravel driveway.

I walked the walk. I talked the talk. I got buckets of candy. I was in high school when I realized what I really was that fifth grade halloween. A PROSTITUTE. I was a freakin' hooker for halloween.

Devilicious doesn't sound so bad, now. Does it??