The Doll

I love horror movies. I even like haunted houses. Wax museums scare me, but only because it all looks so real. And because of that 80's movie, Waxwork. Scary stuff, I tell ya. Other than that, not much else creeps me out.

Today, after I dropped Maddie off at school, I was standing in the parking lot, talking to Maddie's friend's mom. Along came another mom. She got out of her van, and said. "Do you want to see my newest baby?" Of course, we said yes and she reached into the back seat and pulled out a basket.

Okay, the first thought that ran through my head was, Why is it in a basket? Then I thought, wait a minute, it's not moving.

It was a doll. A very lifelike doll. One that looked exactly like the picture that was in the basket with it. It sent chills down my spine. Apparently she makes these, and sells them at craft shows. You should say something. Don't be weird. It would be rude if you leave right now. Put your keys back in your pocket. Say something nice. Say something. Now.

"That's amazing. It's looks so weir- I mean, life like." Ok. Can I leave now? Please don't make me look at it anymore. Chelsea, she doesn't know you. Do you want her to know what a freak you are? It's just a doll. A very creepy, looks like it's about to cry any minute, doll. Noooooo! What is she doing. Don't touch it. Please don't touch it. You might wake it up.

Then she starts talking.

"I made it the exact weight it was when he was born. And look at the eyelashes." What? No no no. PUT. IT. DOWN.

"Here. Wanna hold it?" Deep breath. It'll be over in a minute.

So I took the doll. What could I do? Was I supposed to cuddle it close? Try to burp it? I didn't know what the proper etiquette was, so I held it, reminiscent of how I used to hold Maddie when she had a really, really bad poopy diaper. Under her arms, far away from me and my nose.

And the doll's head flopped to the side. AAAAAARRRRRRHHHHHHHH!! What have I done?

She reached out, like the ever- ready, protective new mom, and took her doll back.

"You must always support his head," she said, like it was my first time to hold something that resembled a baby.

"I gotta get home. Good seeing you." I jumped in my car and drove off.

And made the vow, once and for all. I'm never going into a wax museum. And probably not to her house for coffee, either.

Snow White's Tea Party

Still reeling from last week's embarrassing episode, Snow White hosts this week's princess tea party.

Snow White: Cinderella- I told you the dwarfs would be working today.

Cinderella: Oh puh-leeze, you need to get off your high horse, Snow, my girl. The invite said "wear your crown." It said nothing about a gown.

Jasmine: Has anyone heard from Belle? I thought she was coming today.

Snow: She called and can't make it. But she wanted to know if she could borrow your outfit, Jasmine. She needs to, um, "awaken" the beast.

Jasmine: Again? Why can't you girls buy your own costumes?

Well. . . This Is Awkward

Snow White, feeling embarrassed and extremely overdressed, tries to explain.

"Oh, my. When the invitation said to "bring a friend", I had no idea that you wanted me to bring the dwarfs."

Cinderella (host): "Seriously, Snow- did you think I meant one of your animal friends? Get with the program"

You've Got A Friend

"Let's race! If I win, I'll jump up and down. If you win, then you can jump up and down. And we'll both clap, and my mommy will cheer for us. Ok?"

What the. . . ? I look down the hallway. Just Maddie. I wonder if Justin is around. He's on the couch. Then I see a Maddie run down the hall and laugh like a lunatic.

"I won!!! No- you don't jump up and down. I DO. Wanna race again?" And she's off. I'm pretty sure she's got an imaginary friend. And apparently one that doesn't listen to the rules.

Great. Now what? Am I supposed to talk to it? Invite it to dinner? Ignore it? That's my number one choice, by the way.

Or maybe I'm supposed to have another baby so Maddie won't be lonely and weird.

Nah. I'm good. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, it's invited to our family dinner. As long as it doesn't eat too much.

Story of My Life

The night after we bought our super expensive pumpkins, I pretty much got over it. I mean, really, we've wasted our money on lots of things, why stop with fall produce. In fact, I was almost proud of us. We had just supported a local farmer. I understand the importance of buying local. I don't do it much, but I understand it.

And what if these are special pumpkins? What if they are really filled with jewels, winning lottery tickets, or keys to a new car? I could barely stand it. We needed to get started carving it right away.

So, we set up a table outside. Maddie began painting hers and I hoped against all hope that something magical was about to happen. I started taking the top off. Dang, this is hard. Must be really something good in there. Justin finally came to my rescue and finished sawing it. After a few struggles, we got the lid off. I couldn't wait to see what grand prize we had been awarded.

Disappointment abounded. Ooey, gooey, pumpkin junk. With more seeds than I ever thought possible.

But I threw some seeds in the grass. Maybe tomorrow there will be a really tall vine and I can go get the golden goose eggs.