The Horse Is The New Princess

What is it with girls and horses? Especially 4 year old girls.

It seems like when girls are 3, it's all about their favorite princess. Then, as soon as they turn 4, the infatuation turns to horses.

And, if a princess can also ride a horse, that's even better. Especially if she can do it while wearing a ball gown.

Justin's mother adds fuel to the fire. She has already told her that she has a horse that is to be exclusively Maddie's. Her name is Grey Girl- yep, she's grey.

Maddie's hobbie horse is white. I bet you can guess what she named it. When she is playing cowgirl, Maddie randomly yells out, "Get over here, White Girl!!" I hope our neighbors don't think she's yelling at me. Or them.

Justin's parents raise and show Tennessee Walking horses. It just so happened that Maddie's papaw was showing in the ring on the weekend that they were keeping her.

Guess who was waiting for them, when he was done in the ring? Guess who wants a real horse? Guess who wants riding lessons?

Guess who got signed up for gymnastics lessons, in the hopes that she will forget about riding lessons?

That Dang Bug Will Mess Up Your Day

Yesterday was one of those days. You know- the kind of day when you don't think you can be a mom. Much less a good one.

Two words- stomach virus.

It started at 3:30 a.m. And didn't stop for a looooong time.

When Maddie woke up, she wanted breakfast. First, it was a blueberry waffle- sorry, we're out of them. Then, she wanted a pancake- sorry, too much effort. I suggested a Pop tart. She was okay with that.

I crawled to the kitchen, looked in the cabinet, and we were out of them. I told Maddie that we were out of Pop tarts, and her response:

"Well, I guess you'll just have to make me a pancake. Just try not to throw up in it, m'kay?"

Yep- it was a long day.

Nothing Runs Like A Deere

When I started my new job, I only knew my boss and his wife. My boss is actually Justin's best friend, who is also building our house. His wife is a broker, and when my real estate license is in effect, I will also be working with her, selling the houses he builds.


He has several men working for him, each one definitely unique. But, there is one in particular, that is even more unique than all the rest.


He walked into my office, and handed me some paperwork. He turned around, and I thought, Dude, there's something green on your head.


When I was telling Justin about it, he reminded me of who whis guy was. He's a legend.


A few months ago, after his first week of working with my boss, he decided that he was going to get a tattoo. On his head.


Everyone laughed, and said that he wouldn't do it.


He did.


And, he's gotten more since then.

The one that started it all. Yes, that's a tractor on his head. And, it's baling hay.

The gray hair makes the antique tractors look even more vintage, don't you think?

And, what's a tractor without a combine? Yes, I know what a combine is. I grew up on a farm.

The one picture that I didn't get is the coup de grace. I'm mad at myself for not getting it, but I think I might have been pressing my luck with taking the pictures, in the first place.

It's a tattoo, right on the top of his head, of Bart Simpson driving a tractor.

Don't ask. I don't know. I'm not sure I want the whole story.

And, yes. My house is being built by a man we call "Tractor- Head".

Behind his back, of course. I'm too chicken to call anyone with 5 tattooes on his head anything but his real name.

There Really Are No Words

"Loth-Dar is a small group. Founded by Ian Floyd and Jason New with the purpose of bring the sounds that they were making with the electric washboard and guitar to the public. Each jam is totally different and each show will be an experience in it self. We hope you enjoy it."

This excerpt came from the website of a "band" I saw Saturday night. Justin and I went to the club to see a friend's band play.

I'm all for intimate club settings and hearing new bands and talent. In fact, it used to be one of my favorite things. This was like nothing I've ever experienced.

This, um, group consisted of one man and an electric washboard. His opening words went something like this, "Hey. I'm one half of the band. The other guy can't be here. This is probably going to suck."

After a few minutes of watching this person that looked like Jesus on crack, we left before we embarrased ourselves by laughing out loud. We sat outside and talked and made jokes about the washboard.

Ten minutes passed. We figured that our friend was about to go on, so we made our way back to where the action was. He was still playing that stinkin' washboard.

We found some friends, made more jokes and then he finished playing. "I'm only gonna play that one song. Huh. There are still some of you here. I guess it didn't suck. Cool."

It took him ten minutes to play one freakin' song! And, yes- it did suck.

If you don't believe me, or want proof, watch this video. It was taken a few weeks before and both members of the band are present. There is also a random child that seems to really enjoy the music- if you can call it that. I wonder if that would have made us enjoy the show more?

There really are no words.

Don't I Know You?

You know that feeling you get when you think you recognise someone, but you aren't quite sure if you really know them or if you just think you know them? I have that happen to me. A lot.

The only problem is I'm a chicken. I never tell a stranger that they look familiar to me for fear of sounding like an idiot. Wait, I did approach a stranger and sounded like an idiot.

There was this lady at my gym, and I honestly thought I had seen her at church and she would be nice to me. When I started talking to her, she said, "Yes, I recognise you. You were my waitress last night. When are you going to get a real job?"

And, that put an end to it.

So, when I saw this video, I couldn't help but laugh. Enjoy!

Stupid Battery- Who Does It Think It Is?

When I got home from my office job, I placed our laptop on the desk and didn't think twice about it.

Until-

"Chels, where's the power cord?"

"Oh, crap. I must've left it at work. I'll get it on Thursday."

No big deal, right? WRONG.

The actual battery lasted about 2 emails, 1 fantasy baseball check-in, a comment on one blog, and 2 notices that the battery was critically low. That was Tuesday night.

Wednesday morning, I couldn't handle it- I NEEDED my internet. The only problem was that I really didn't want to drive almost an hour, just for a charger.

7 am- text my boss, asking if he was going to be in my area, so he could bring it to me. Please, please, please
8 am- found out he could meet me about 20 minutes away- at noon. Noon? Come on, a little earlier would be perfect. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers.
11 am- talked to Justin. Found out he was fiending just as badly as I was. Whatever- doesn't he know I have about a million blogs to get caught up on? And, I didn't do a post last night. What if all of my 5 readers desert me? Please don't, by the way.
12 pm- got phone call, boss couldn't meet me until 1 WHAT!?!
1 pm- charger was placed in my hands, "Precious. . . " in best creepy thing's voice from Lord of the Rings- Gollum, I think.

By the time I got back home, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and got ready for my night job- I didn't have time to even glance at any of my favorite blogs.

And, here it is- 11:45, and I just got home from work.

Sorry- I'm not looking at any blogs tonight, either. But that's just from sheer exhaustion.

And, that's totally different than not looking at them because you can't.

I'm Sorry I Asked

Thursday, on the way home from school:

"So, Maddie- how was your day? I can't wait to hear about it."

She took a deep breath and in a long exhale told me:

"Well- Tim got in trouble during circle time because Eve was trying to tell a story about her dead rabbit and how it was bleeding and they had to bury it in the mulch in her back yard. That's why I don't want mulch. She said it was gross and did you know that she has a baby brother? So does Ben. Kelly's mommy is gonna have a baby in the summer. All of my cousins have sisters or brothers. Why don't I? I want to be a big sister. To twins. I'm gonna pray to God tonight for babies. Don'tcha think that's a good idea?"

Ummmm- I just wanted to know how your day was. A "good" or "bad" would have been fine, you know. "Sure, you can pray to God about anything."

How could I tell her that another baby is not really in our plans? How could I tell her that with us building a house, private school, gas prices, food prices, etc. we can't really afford to even think about another child right now? How could I tell her that she may be an only child?

I couldn't. So, I didn't.

I told her that I loved her. And that if God wants us to have another baby, we will when He wants it to happen. And, it doesn't hurt to pray about it.

Just stop praying for twins.

Genetics Schmenetics

Saturday, we were recruited to help Justin's mom clean out her spider house, also known as the storage shed.


It was a trip we were not really looking forward to, given her propensity to keep every blessed thing for 25 years, on the off chance it will become an antique. Which led to some interesting conversations-


"Keep that."


"Mom, it's junk."


"No- that's an antique."


"Mom? Some things aren't antiques. They are just old."


"Keep it."


It went on the trash trailer, headed straight to the dump. Unless she sneaks over to it before Monday morning and goes through our hard work and finds it.


But, I did find some treasures that she graciously let me have. Pictures of Justin when he was little.

This picture reminds me of Maddie so much, I can't help but smile. She grins in that exact same way, when she doesn't really want to smile. She crosses her arms, just like that when she doesn't want to do something. Replace the jersey with a princess shirt, straighten the hair and you have Maddie.

This is Justin's Kindergarten picture. It almost makes me cry because in one short year, Maddie will be in full time, the real deal, 5 days a week- Kindergarten. Do they still have those cheesy props? Maybe I could find a retro Astros jersey, poof up her hair, and try to replicate this picture.

This picture just makes me smile. I think he is probably in 2nd grade. Quite the charmer, from what I'm told. Don't you just want to ruffle his hair?

Hey, Justin- Larry from Three's Company called, he wants his shirt back!

After I looked through the stacks of pictures, I looked in the mirror, and tried to tame my 'fro. Then I glanced through the pictures again.

The question popped in my head- was Maddie switched at birth?

Surely, any child that we had a part in making would have curly hair, right? Go ahead- look at my profile picture. Look again at his curls.

Now- look at this

Oh well, even if she was switched at birth, I'm not giving her back. I've grown kinda partial to her.

Even if she doesn't look like me. Or him.

Pants-capades

I've been working a second job on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Those two days are my busiest days, to say the least.

I head straight to the office, right after I drop Maddie off at school at 8. The office, by the way, is 40 minutes away. I pick Maddie up from school between 4 and 4:30, rush home, get changed and head to the restaurant to wait tables at 5 or 5:30.

Yeah- it's crazy.

Last week, I was doing my super speedy ironing, when Maddie heard our upstairs neighbors outside playing.

"Mommy- Kay is outside! Can I go?!?"

"Um, yeah. Just stay on our porch until I get done ironing, then you can play in the grass. Don't forget you shoes."

I finished my ironing and went outside.

I talked to her friend's mom for a few minutes. Then, it hit me. My child had no pants on. She did, however, have her shoes on.

Today, I was in a crazy hurry trying to get dressed, get breakfast eaten, lunches packed, coffee guzzled, and dog walked. I was putting the leash on Grendal, and told Maddie to be dressed by the time I came back inside. Her clothes were on the couch.

Miracle upon miracle, she was dressed and ready to go. I grabbed our bags and we were on our way.

As we were walking through the halls of her school, I noticed something strange.

Her pants were on backwards.

When will I be one of those moms who can manage this type of thing? I cringe to think of when I actually have to work at a real job 5 days a week.

I either need more, or less, coffee. I'm voting for more.

The Consequence Of Threats

We were on our way to a small carnival. As is our habit, Justin and I were going over the rules with Maddie. We have discovered that if we fully explain the consequences for certain misbehaviors, she actually behaves. Novel concept, huh?

"Maddie, you must stay with us at all times. No running off. If we say no to something, don't whine and beg, because we will not change our minds. What do you think will happen if you disobey?"

"Ummm, we will go home." I really don't mind going home, Maddie. Disobey just a little. Please.

"Yep."

"And, I'll go to time out." Hhhhmmm. Maybe a nap for me?

"Okay."

"And, I'll get a spanking." Dang, she's tough.

"She drives a hard bargain, doesn't she" Justin whispered to me.

Fast forward to this morning.

I was dropping Maddie off at school. We were giving our hugs and kisses and I was giving last minute reminders to her about listening and following instructions.

"Just remember to do what Ms. W says, and go to the potty when she tells you to."

"CAUSE YOU WILL SPANK ME IF I DON'T" Yes, she yelled. But she really didn't need to because her teacher was standing about 2 feet away.

"Honey. . . just do what you are supposed to do." I couldn't disagree with her. I would lose my punishment threat. I need that threat. Please, Ms. W., understand that it's mainly just a threat. Why are you headed to the phone?

"AND WHEN YOU GET DONE SPANKING ME, DADDY WILL TOO." Just to clarify- She has never had a spanking from both of us in the same day.

"For the love of God, lower your voice. Please. Stop saying that." I was gritting my teeth so hard, I'm surprised one didn't chip.

"Bye, Mommy. I love you."

"Love you, too. Now give me a hug before I spank you."

Gotta go. Someone is at the door. . .






"Oh, hello Mr. DHS man. No- I've got everything under control. . . Just ask Maddie. No. Wait. Don't ask her. Anyone but her!"

Junk Sale

"I got the best toy for so and so at a yard sale this weekend."

"This one house had everything you could imagine for sale. Couches, chairs, tables, even a plasma tv."

"They were having a 'anything you can get in the sack for $5 sale' "

"Do you think Maddie might need one of those deluxe wooden swingset things? Oh, wait. Someone just bought that. For $50. Oh well, better luck next time." Yeah- that one was from Justin's mom.

Every Spring, I hear about some awesome deal someone finds at a yard sale. And, every year Justin and I try our luck. Saturday was our day.

This year was different from the previous years. We had a mission. We are in the process of purchasing our first house, and we are white trash enough to decorate with yard sale goodies.

We mapped out our route based on the ads in the newspaper. Always allowing time for surprise stops on the way. But, our main goal was the exclusive neighborhood community yard sale.

So, we rolled into the neighborhood in Goldilocks, big pimpin' style and parked in the street. "This looks promising," I said to Justin.

Yard sale after yard sale lined the streets. Surely we were going to find the steal of the day. We would have our family and friends over and they would ask where we found the beautiful, anitique dining room table. We would just laugh and explain that we happened upon it one day and paid $25 for it because the owners were moving cross country and couldn't bring it with them. . .

Yeah- that didn't happen.

We didn't find a single thing. Not a table, not a lamp, not a toy, not even fake flowers. Maddie couldn't even find a toy that she felt she really wanted. That's the sign of some really bad yard sales.

Is it just me, or are people really just trying to get rid of their JUNK now? I, personally, would have been embarrased to try to sell some of the stuff they were trying to pawn off. They would have had better luck donating it to GoodWill or the Salvation Army and getting a tax write off.

I may shop at yard sales, but I have standards. And, don't try to push me into buying your junk, and believe me- that's what it is. I promise that I have no use for 8 giraffe foot stools, a dune buggy, or a one eyed Wonder Woman doll with suspicious spots.

If you do happen upon a great yard sale, and find the steal of the year- please understand that I will be happy for you. Eventually.

I'm just a little bitter now.

Happy Mother's Day

Sooooo. . . Did everyone have a great Mother's Day? I sure hope so.

Because, I certainly did and bragging is about to commence.

Saturday, Justin and Maddie surprised me with 2 new dresses. Which I desperately needed, now that I might actually have a career and all. I must say I look pretty good in both of them. They done good. Oops, sorry- there go my Tennessee roots again.

After church, Justin and Maddie headed to his sister's house for a cook-out.

Do you understand what I'm telling you?

I had 3 1/2 hours. Alone. I napped. I read. I watched America's Next Top Model- uninterrupted.

It was blissful.

Then, I had to go to work. And, that's a whole different story.

I'll spare you the gory details of waiting tables on Mother's Day, but I will leave you with a couple of highlights.

Blue eyeshadow girl got caught stealing tips and got fired. Woohoo!
Nice man took his mom to dinner and watched porn on his cell phone during it. Nice.

That just abour sums up my mother's day. How was yours?

Goldilocks

We brought home a new addition to our family on Wednesday. Maddie loves her.

We kept the name her previous owners gave her. Goldilocks. It fits.

She's a little older than we thought. She's actually 16 years old. But, we took her and had her checked out. We were promised that she still has lots of life in her. In fact, she can run as well as one half her age. Let's hope it stays that way.

She's big. She's loveable. She's gonna make you move out of her way. Like or not.

You wanna see a picture of Goldilocks?

I know you do.



Here she is- my pride and joy.

Yes. I now drive a big, gold '93 Oldsmobile 88 Royale. A grandma car. But, I don't care.

Our '98 Explorer needs a new engine, and has for the last year and a half. It drinks gas like I drink coffee.

Goldilocks only has 109,000 miles on it. And gets waaaaay better gas mileage. That matters.

Oh, and she was free. That matters, too.

So, if you see a grandma car rolling down the road, don't assume it's a 70 year old blue hair.

It might be me.

Test Day

Well, it's over. Thank God.

I PASSED!!!

It must have been all of your prayers and well wishes that helped me. Cause even though I studied like crazy, I have no idea how I passed.

But, I did. And, that's what matters.

I finished the courses. I passed the tests. I affiliated with a broker.

Now. . . as I'm sitting here, thinking about my future, I realize that the one thing they didn't teach in class was how to sell a house.

Something is wrong with this picture.

Pray And Pray Hard

Tomorrow is the day.

The day that I take the state exam for real estate. And, I'm pretty nervous.

I thought I did really well in class, and with the tests that I took in class. But, then, last night, I took the sample exam.

Um, yeah- I didn't do so well.

For some reason, I think they are going to try to trick me with some of the questions.

So, if I'm not around much today or tomorrow, it's because my head is stuck in a book.

Wish me luck.

Tomorrow is the day I either begin my journey as a real estate agent, or realize that I may be stuck serving tables. Forever.

I know- a little melodramatic, but maybe that thought will keep me studying instead of blogging all day.

She's Weird, But I Love Her

When I was little, one of my mom's favorite sayings was, "I don't have to worry about someone kidnapping you. They would bring you back." I always thought that was really mean, but now- I understand.

I have a four year old. That's a weirdo. And a whiner. And a tattletale. And needs to be entertained by me, all the time. And won't eat anything but pizza, peanut butter, and cheese cubes. And knows everything. And argues about everything else.

I have a four year old. That is beautiful. And smart. And funny. And tells me 50 times a day that she loves me. And thanks me for her peanut butter. And gives the best hugs and kisses. And makes up silly games. And forces me to slow down.

I have a four year old. And I love her. And if anyone does kidnap her- please bring her back.

After I get some alone time.

Coming To A Prom Near You

Saturday night found us downtown, in a nice, upscale restaurant. With Maddie. I know- recipe for disaster, right? It really wasn't too bad.

Mainly because it was prom night for a local school, and most of the prom- goers decided to descend upon our restaurant of choice.

And, Maddie thought all of the girls were princesses on their way to the ball.

Some of them really were very pretty. They had on classy dresses complete with matching corsages. Their makeup was tastefully done, and their hair was elegant. They sat 3 tables away from us. And, kept quiet. They must have been the "good" kids.

Maddie kept watching for more and more princesses. There was an empty table right next to ours. I assumed it was set up for more princesses and their princes. And, I was right.

If it were a tv show, it would be "Princesses Gone BAD" or "Who My Prince's Daddy?" or "I Got Some Class. For Realz."

"Maddie- look, here comes a girl that has a dress like Belle's" If Belle was 7 months pregnant, I whispered to Justin.

"Mommy, she has on clothes like Jasmine." Yep- just what we need, a teen that dresses like Jasmine. Look- her tattoo covers her back. Why wear clothes, right? I said to my prince.

"Where is knocked-up Belle's date?" Justin wonders.

"He's the one with the all white tux, top hat and cane, wearing flip flops, and smoking outside. See him?" We all craned our necks see this fine speciman. To give him credit, though, he did put out the cigarette before he got in the limo.

When I was in high school, prom was a mildly entertaining night. You got to get dressed up, have a semi- nice dinner, dance a little while, take bets on who would get pregnant, go to a field party, drink, don't drive, find a ride home, and sleep for the entire weekend. Mom, I'm just saying that some people did that. Not me. Never. Your youngest daughter, though? Yeah. Probably.

I'm pretty sure none of my classmates ever went to prom, wearing a prom dress specially made for a pregnant belly. What happened to the good ole days?

When girls got pregnant at the field parties after prom?

Understanding

I understand. Really and truly, I do.

I understand that prices for everything are going up. I understand that cuts in one's lifestyle have had to be made. I understand that eating out is now a luxury that many can not do as often as before.

I understand that the economy is a big reason the restaurant where I work is not nearly as busy as it should be. I understand why no one wants to drive. Anywhere.

I understand why more and more people order water instead of soft drinks. I understand people splitting meals, to save money and calories.

I do not understand when someone does go out to dinner and orders the most expensive item on the menu, as does his significant other and then does not tip. Anything.

I do not understand how someone can tell their server what a wonderful dinner they enjoyed and then walk out with a smile, after leaving no money on the table.

I do not understand how some parents actually teach their children that tipping is not necessary (yes, I've actually heard it.)

I don't understand. Really and truly, I don't.

Disclaimer: I'm sure that not tipping doesn't apply to any of my wonderful readers- all 10 of ya. Unless, of course, you are the jerk that had a $53.95 check, gave me $54 and needed the nickel back. If you are- don't come back, and PLEASE don't ask for me. I won't be nice.

Little Miss Know It All

Any throwbacks to the 80's remember these books? What about the Little Miss series? I remember reading them over and over again. Then, recording myself reading them, so I could just listen to the story.

And now, there is a Cartoon Network show. I love it. I know there is no educational value to letting Maddie watch it, but it's another one of my guilty pleasures.

Let me introduce you to the newest cast member.

Little Miss Know- It- All



Cute, huh? Don't let her fool you, though. Her attitude will likely drive you crazy.

Every time someone tells her something new, she responds with, "I already know that." Regardless of what it is.

Molecular composition of water- she knows it.

Why the grass is green, and the sky is blue- she knows it.

What she is going to be doing 4 months, 2 weeks, 6 days, and 10 hours from now- she knows.

She is usually accompanied by her parents, Mr. Tall and Mrs. Losing Her Mind. Stay Tuned.